A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

[Chorus:]

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

..and i, have come to love u more and more by each living day..

..being 30, and healthy, and pretty..ecehh

am going to hit 30 by end of tis year, huhu..and miss wrinkles, dull skin, sagging bla..bla sure will come approaching..maka, in a quest to at least delay the process, i've started consuming all these supplements from elken;

i) lady venus : this is the so called jamu, wic has been modernized..claimed to help with the fertilization process, balancing the hormones, reduce the cramps during menstruation, and some even use it during the confinement to replace the traditional jamu. it tasted like ermm, honey + berry perhaps? kinda hard to explain the taste

ii) spirulina: claimed to have so many benefits and so malas to jote it down here..energy booster, speed up the metabolism, helps with fertility etc

iii) dr xeniji : helps to fight cancer cells, claimed to have help many couples who have been trying hard to conceive, boost up metabolism etc..

iv) el marino : aha, tis one is purely to improve the collagen level of our skin, reduce the fine lines, making skin softer and smoother after 28 days of consumption..

v) DHA fish oil: jarang2 makan

i don't really notice the difference so far, but perhaps it will take sometimes for all of those to take effect. but one thing for sure, i started to have break outs lately, and feel extra hot, literally of course, :p..which the SA has so called warned before this, that all these supplements must be followed through with lots water consumption in a day..and hopefully, God willing, can have a baby this year, Amin...

..my lil paradise..

it's small yet cosy, perfect, at least for me, :)...still, ermm, it lacks of something, perhaps green plants, or nice pictures hanging on the wall..

.....................

catched me gabra tis morning and i dun like the feeling; dun like it when people hv dat kind of effect on me...

and it will alwaz remains as d 1st love..

tadi lunch dgn hapez, as he had the CBI to convert his current position to executive position..the assessor was ishak and another lady from PGB...and there was something dat somehow touched my heart and made me miss my old times in dulang....

part of d conversation tat i had wit him..

"lin, aku citer kat dia project yang kita upgrade CT kat dulang D dulu..aku cakap engineer yg paling bagus ko ah, before tu da bertahun asik trip jer, bile ko masuk upgrade CT tu baru ok DLD"

"upgrade2 UPS ni pun seme project syezlin, saya buat dgn dia masa shutdown dulang"

"CBI tadi da mcm jadik ko nyer CBI lak lin, asik aku mention nama ko dlm seme project2 yang dorg ty aku penah buat"

tetiba macam terharu, and at d same time bersyukur dat at least i ad left dulang wit such gud impression to their people..tho am enjoying my time wit angsi now, but still, dulang will alwaz be the 1st love, will alwaz close to d heart...wit so much bitter sweet memories to treasure..

when the face we love is missing, and this time it's for eternity..

life is funny sometimes, when the person who have raised u for years died and u were not there when they took their last breath..last tuesday, i got an early msg from my mom telling all my siblings that our only grandpa has passed away at 415am..but it was nearly 7am when i read tat text..rushed back to kb, drove like hell but still i cudnt make it, to c him, to kiss him for the last time, huhu..

i can still vaguely remember the times when he accompanied me to school at nite, bought me and my lil bro the bicycles and patiently tought us how to ride and watched warily from afar,brought home the lokan he was so fond looking out for, can still remember him making the bird nests, the time when he and my grandma will bring me with them to their kebun planting the watermelon..amused us when he kept on hearing the opposite things when he started to have the sound trouble problems..so much memories, as he has been there wit us since we were still the lil babies..except for that one estranged time, and i will never forget dat dark witch for tat..but at least, Che left this world at near his birthplace, surrounded by us, his family and the people he knew, he was more fortunate if compared to Wor, and again, thanx to dat dark witch.

she was there during the funeral, together wit his husband; still have the gut to show their faces after all the things that they have done to che and wor and after throwing all tos slandering words to my parents..and do u tink by wearing the tudung labuh now makes u look innocent of all the crimes??, will make me forget all the things u've done to my family? come on, never, not in this life time..do u tink i can erase all the bitter memories and wipe the slate clean? no way bitch....i can still clearly remember when che told us u left him alone at home for weeks, u scolded him because he din wash his clothes and wat do u expect, a 90++ yr old, old man to do all the stuffs, u r the one who bragged tat u will take care of both of them while u r still alive (o yeah, wat a great **** u r) so y did u sent him back after dat 5 yrs u separated us? because he's a poor man, like u loudly told him aite, and the one wit lotsa money was my grandma, and grandma was 5 years dead oredi?....so che was just a burden for u...

when u are not around...

bile u ader kat rumah time weekend, i akan salo hangin bila u sepahkan bilik, bile u semayang and tak lipat balik sejadah, or bile u sepahkan kain semayang i time u amik sejadah..i salo stress bile u sidai je baju dekat massage chair, and bile u tinggal je mangkuk mug seme dlm sink after u bfast ari ahad time i keje and i jugak yang kene kemas balik seme tu..or sakitnya ati i bila u still tak tolong buang sampah dekat dapur yang i da mintak tolong nicely u buat before i g opis..haishhh

but now, the 1st weekend without u in d house, d house is clean and neat....i shud be happy, but y is that deep down i feel empty?? and suddenly realized that i'd rather bear all tos stressful stuffs u did; rather than staring at the empty wall, enduring the lonely moment; all without u by my side.........................................................................................................................